


Ersa's Final Journey: a Journeys toward dawn prequel

by Wanderwoman1



Series: Journeys Toward Dawn [3]
Category: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Oseram culture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 20:06:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11813274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wanderwoman1/pseuds/Wanderwoman1
Summary: Erend accompanies Ersa to The Claim one last time.Warning:  Spoilers, if you haven't finished the main questline of Horizon Zero Dawn.





	Ersa's Final Journey: a Journeys toward dawn prequel

Erend tightened the last strap, giving one final tug on the leather that secured his sister’s coffin to the wagon. He had covered the wooden box with cloth, both to protect it and disguise it, and he desperately hoped that it was enough. It was a long trek to Forgeview, and a difficult one at that. If anything were to happen to her before he could get her to the village of their childhood, it would be more than he could bear. 

He patted the top of the box that held Ersa’s body, saying a silent prayer. This would be their last journey together, one final trip back to The Claim before he was left to wander the world on his own. For the briefest moment, he thought about Aloy. The thought of her gave him strength – she knew all too well what this sort of loneliness was like. If she could be so incredibly amazing, helping people everywhere she went, then he could find a way to get through this. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out, before bending down to pick up the handles of the small wagon. 

“Alright, Ersa, let’s go.” he said as the first rays of the sun began to peek over the horizon. His heart hurt at the silence that filled the space where her reply should have been.

Erend wasn’t sure whether it was a good idea to stick to the roads. It would make pulling the wagon much easier, but the threat of bandits was greatly increased. He would have to remain extra vigilant, he told himself, and travel as quickly as he could. 

He wondered whether he’d made the right call, telling Avad to stay behind in Meridian. While it would have been nice to have the security that would have traveled with the Sun King, he knew that it was unwise for Avad to travel, given all that was going on in the Sundom at the moment. It was also true that the Sun King couldn’t simply cross into The Claim, not without provoking a reaction. But Erend understood why Avad had wanted so desperately to come. He shook his head – did they really think that they’d been so secretive that nobody knew?

Thinking of his sister, happily living in the palace with Avad, broke his heart all over again. Quiet tears rolled down his cheeks as he trudged on, the wagon carrying her body rumbling along behind him. She could have been so happy, he told himself, if only she hadn’t been so stubborn.

It was part way through the first day of the journey that the quiet began to get to Erend. He was used to traveling in the company of others – Ersa, freebooters, Vanguard – it didn’t matter, there was always someone with him when he was out in the wilds. He thought of Aloy again. How does she do it, he wondered. She must get so lonely.

So he began talking to Ersa, at first babbling about nothing in particular. But soon, he began to tell her about the amazing woman that he’d met.

“She’s Nora, and she’s not like anyone I’ve ever met before.” he started, a small smile creeping on to his face. As the wagon rolled along the well-trodden road, he told Ersa about Aloy’s kind and generous heart, about her incredible beauty, about her amazing skills and sarcastic wit. 

“I met her when I went with the Sun Priest to deliver Avad’s message to the Nora. And I have to tell you, I made a complete ass of myself. I was so nervous, and tried to make up for it by playing the bigshot card. Let’s just say, it didn’t go over as well as I’d hoped.” He chuckled as shook his head, his cheeks pink with the embarrassment of the memory. 

“I put my foot in it, for real. It turns out that she was an outcast. Can you believe that? The Nora cast people out, make them live by themselves in the wilds. I’m not sure why she had been outcast, she never really said, but it meant that she didn’t really know about the Red Raids, or the Derangement, or anything like that. So here I am, droning on and on, and she’s completely confused about everything that I’m talking about. And to make matters worse, my tongue just felt tied in knots. I had never seen anyone so beautiful in my entire life. Even Azita isn’t half as pretty as Aloy – and you know how much I liked Azita! Anyway, she competed in this thing the Nora do called the Proving. It’s sort of like our adulthood ceremony, I suppose. We were getting ready to leave the main village, a place called Mother’s Heart, when we heard explosions up on the mountain where they were competing. I thought that she’d been killed, and it felt like a knife in my heart. Imagine that – a girl I’d just met, someone that I barely knew at all, and I was heartbroken that she’d been killed. It wasn’t until she showed up in Meridian, a few days after you had been ambushed by Dervahl, that I found out that she was alright. I’m still not quite sure how she managed, but she did.” 

He let out a loud sigh. “What she did for us, Ersa, I can’t even believe it. She was dealing with all of that, her own mess, but she still helped me find out what happened to you. But that’s part of what makes her so amazing, I suppose, her willingness to help others. People that she doesn’t even know, she helps. Somehow, after being cast out, growing up almost alone, she still has such a kind heart. How does that happen?” he wondered aloud. 

“Everything is different with her, Ersa, I don’t really know how to explain it. It’s not like anything I’ve ever felt before. She’s special, but I think that it’s more than that.” he paused for a moment, his eyes watching the dust cloud rise up around his feet as he walked. “Is that what it was like with Avad? Did you know that things were going to be different with him?”

Again, the quiet wind brushed through his hair in response.

“Anyway” he added quietly “you’d like her, I know you would.”

When the wheels of the wagon finally stopped turning, long after the sun had set, Erend ate a quick meal of rations and bedded down for the night. He had hidden the wagon as best he could, amongst some large boulders, hoping that they wouldn’t attract attention. He laid beside it and bid his beloved sister goodnight.

Erend and Ersa were fairly lucky as they traveled along the roads of the Sundom, and they were making good time. Erend would rise with the sun, have a quick meal of rations, and would walk until the lack of light forced him to stop for the night. They didn’t encounter any bandits, which surprised Erend – it was almost as if the road had been cleared for them. But their luck ran out just north of Lone Light.

Erend had been humming quietly, a little tune that Ersa had loved as a child, when he noticed a blue glow coming from over the rise just ahead of them. 

“Looks like we’ve got machines up ahead. You sit tight, I’ll go check it out.” Erend whispered as he carefully set the handles of the wagon on the ground and reached for his warhammer. 

It felt awkward to him, to be sneaking through the grass by himself. He’d always been much more of an ‘in your face’ style of fighter, preferring to meet the enemy head on than to try an ambush attack. But he usually had other people to back him up, too. 

Erend came up over the rise and came face to face with a watcher, whose light immediately went from blue to red. It charged at him, knocking him backwards before he had the chance to swing his hammer.

The nearby striders were instantly alerted by the commotion, and Erend found himself staring into many beams of angry red light. “SLAG!” he yelled as he found his feet. They rushed him, quickly surrounding him. Erend swung his heavy hammer with a practiced ease, smashing machines at every turn. Metal flew in every direction as he connected with one machine after another, his thick armour protecting him from the worst of their attacks. 

Erend had several cuts and scrapes, but was otherwise unhurt, by the time the last of the machines fell under his hammer. He stood, panting, and looked at the machine parts scattered around him. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you, an Oseram never goes down without a fight?” he asked the sparking wires and bent metal. With a sigh, he hooked his hammer to its place on his back as he turned back towards his wagon.

But the sight that met him caused his steps to falter - at some point during the skirmish, the wagon had gotten tipped onto its side.

“ERSA!” Erend screamed at the underside of the wagon, terrified at what he’d find on the other side. He ran towards it, his stomach roiling. The thought of his poor sister’s body spilled onto the dirty trail, desecrated by machines…

As he rounded the edge of the wagon, Erend let out a gasp of relief. Ersa’s coffin was still firmly strapped into the wagon. 

“You’re OK. You’re Ok.” he told her as he fell to his knees beside her, placing his hand on the lid of the wooden box that still held her safely in its arms. He didn’t notice the tears streaming down his face as he crawled to the edge of the road and wretched into the grass.

Shaking, Erend wiped his mouth with the back of his thick leather glove as he sat down in the dust of the trail and looked at the overturned wagon. He felt overwhelmed – with sadness, with loss, with anger. He had found his limit, and could take no more. Darkness filled Erend’s mind, a part of him wanting to curl into a ball, there beside his sister, and never get up. She was the only person that he had in this world, and she was gone. Dervahl had stolen her life, and no amount of retribution could change that. He was alone, completely alone, and he was drowning in it. 

He slowly got to his feet and reached behind him for his hammer. He walked at a snail’s pace towards the downed machines, lifting his hammer above his head when he reached the nearest one. He roared and brought his hammer down onto the metal carcass with every ounce of strength that he had. Again and again, the screech of his hammer against the metal drowned out by his screams. He poured all of his hatred and fear into every swing, draining himself dry. 

His voice was hoarse, his arms jelly, when he finally stopped. It wasn’t that he felt better, but at least he felt like he could breathe again. He could barely lift his arm enough to hook his hammer onto his back as he made his way back to the wagon. 

“Come on, Ersa, we’ve wasted enough time here. We’d better get going.” he told his sister as he righted the wagon. He quickly placed his supplies around the coffin and double checked the leather straps before taking his place at the front of the wagon. With a loud sigh, he resumed his long, lonely walk towards The Claim.

___________

The path to The Claim did not get any easier for the siblings. On top of the constant threat of bandits and machines, there were deserts to cross, rivers to ford, and rough trails to contend with. More than once, the wagon got stuck in the loose sand, Erend having to fight to get it free.

“Come on, Ersa, you’ve gotta help me out here.” Erend pleaded with her one blisteringly hot afternoon when the wagon had once again refused to budge from the sand that had entrapped it. Sweat dripped from the tip of his nose as he struggled, cursing the wagon and the sand and the sun. Tears mingled with the sweat that streaked down his dusty face as his anxieties flooded his mind. What if he couldn’t do it? What if he wasn’t strong enough to get her safely to Forgeview? After everything that she’d done for him, after all that she’d sacrificed, what if he couldn’t do this one thing for her?

He dug, pushed, and pulled the little wooden wagon through miles and miles of sandy desert, exhaustion threatening to overwhelm him. But still he refused to stop, never resting, barely eating or sleeping. He was driven by something more, something deeper - an honour and an obligation, a debt that he could never begin to repay. A love that had carried him throughout his life, that had literally saved him, more than once. Whenever he felt like he might collapse, he thought about all that Ersa had done for him when they were younger. She had protected him, done all of her share of their work and half of his. She had suffered for him, bled for him. Thinking of the sacrifices that his sister had made for him gave him the strength to go on, to push forward when his body screamed at him to stop. 

______________

Erend was relieved to leave the desert behind them as he pulled the wagon out of the river that marked the edge of the sands of the Sundom. They began to climb towards the border of The Claim, bypassing Pitchcliff entirely. He would forego the comforts of civilization, he told himself, at least until he had Ersa safely back in Forgeview.

He was thankful for the cooler weather as they rose in elevation, although his legs complained at the change. But he was nevertheless pleased with their progress, making up some of the time they’d lost to the desert sands.

As the little wagon rolled over the border that marked the entrance to The Claim, Erend had to stop.

“Heh, Ersa, we’re home.” he whispered after his sobs had quieted. He took a moment to collect himself, wiping the tears from his face, before picking up the handles of the wagon and forging ahead.

Erend and Ersa made a beeline for Forgeview, bypassing the towns and villages along the way. The only luxury that Erend allowed himself, if it could be called that, was a quick stop in Longlake. He and Ersa had spent many good years there, and he owed it to their friends and fellow freebooters to let them know.

The first freebooter that Erend came across was an old friend of both him and Ersa, Yari. 

“Erend! What a surprise! What brings you out this way?”

“Nothing good, I’m afraid.” Erend answered, gesturing towards the wagon that he’d left at the edge of the village.

“What is that?” the freebooter asked, squinting to get a better look. 

“Ersa.” Erend said solemnly, almost choking on the word.

Yari blanched, her face instantly falling into a deep frown. “Oh Erend, I’m so sorry.”

“Yah, well. I just stopped to let everyone know. I’m on my way to Forgeview with her, and I thought that some of the freebooters might want to come to her pyre.” Erend said quietly, his eyes downcast.

“I’ll make sure that everyone knows. I know that a lot of us will want to be there.”

“Thanks Yari, I’d appreciate that. Could you also let them know that they’re absolutely welcome, but Forgeview is really small so they’ll have to bring a tent and whatnot.”

Yari nodded quickly. “Consider it done.”

“Well…” Erend said, not wanting to linger. He rubbed the toe of his boot in the dirt, not quite knowing where to look. He knew that telling people would be hard, and he suddenly found that he wanted to be as far from Longlake as he could get.

Yari wrapped Erend in a firm hug. “Take care, my old friend. We’ll see you soon.” she said as she sent Erend on his way. She stood and watched him walk away, his shoulders slumped and his head hung low. Poor Erend, she thought to herself. He and Ersa had been attached at the hip for as long as she’d known them – what would he do now that she was gone?

As they continued on past Longlake, the sights around them becoming more and more familiar, Erend found himself slowing a little. They were nearly home, and he had been wrestling with what he would say since they’d left Meridian. None of the clan knew of Ersa’s murder, Erend having decided that it was the type of news that needed to be delivered in person. Sending a scroll seemed callous and cruel, but he was now left with the task of telling his family that Ersa was gone.

“What do I say, Ersa?” he asked. “How do I tell them?”

He struggled with the thought as he crested the final hill and looked down into the valley below. Forgeview lay there below them, his clan happily going about their day, unaware of the bomb he was about to drop on them. Erend let out a loud puff of air and started down the hill, the wagon pushing into his back as if Ersa was urging him forward. 

Their uncle Tosh was the first person to spot Erend walking into the village, and cried out with joy. His arms, which he had thrown into the air, quickly fell when he spotted the long rectangular box in the wagon behind Erend.

“What’s in the box, boy?” he asked apprehensively as other members of the clan began to gather around them, drawn by his exclamations.

Erend found that his mouth wouldn’t move. He just looked at the ground, unable to make eye contact with anyone, and shook his head. Fat tears filled his eyes, threatening to spill over.

Erend had agonized over what he would say, and how he would say it, but he needn’t have worried. In the end, he didn’t need to say anything. His actions told his clan more than words ever could.

“Erend?” Aalie asked, her voice soft and scared.

It was then that he looked up, right into his aunt’s eyes, as his tears began to fall. Aalie gasped, her hand flying to her mouth, and she began to wail.

As the other members of the clan realized what was happening, they each began to wail in turn. Renda rushed to Erend’s side and clutched him to her chest as his knees gave out. She wrapped her arms around him as he sobbed into her neck, rocking him gently as they sat crumpled on the ground.

_____________

“Shhh, just let him sleep.” Aalie said as she shooed people out of her cottage. “Leave him be for now.” 

Erend had been tucked into her spare room once the initial shock of his arrival had worn off. He’d obviously been well past the point of exhaustion, both physically and emotionally. When he was finally home, when he finally felt able to stop, he had collapsed into a deep sleep. He’d slept the rest of that afternoon, all night, and well into the next morning. 

“No, don’t worry about it, Aalie, I’m awake.” she heard him mumble from the depths of the darkened bedroom. 

“Are you hungry sweetheart? Can I make you something to eat?” she asked as she opened the cupboard and began to pull out a pan, not waiting for a response.

Erend shuffled out of the bedroom, rubbing the heel of his hand into his eye. “Please. I could eat a thunderjaw.” 

“Come, sit. It won’t take but a few minutes.” 

Erend flopped into one of the chairs at the kitchen table and watched his aunt as she busied herself in the kitchen. “Can I help?” he asked.

“Don’t you dare go asking about helping!” she scolded him softly. “Let me do this for you.”

Erend nodded and leaned back into the chair. “Where is she?” he asked quietly.

Aalie looked over her shoulder at her nephew’s sad face. “She’s safe. Tosh brought her home with him.”

Erend nodded again, running his hand over his mohawk. “Has anyone…”

“No, sweetheart. We haven’t started any of the preparations. We thought that you would want to be a part of that.”

“Good.” he replied, looking around his aunt’s sunny kitchen. He hadn’t yet decided if he wanted to build her pyre alone, or if he wanted his clan’s help, but he was sure that his hands would among the ones to build it.

Erend sat wordlessly, staring out the window, until Aalie set a large plateful of food in front of him. She watched him as he dived into it, beyond famished. Her eyes brimmed with tears at the thought of what he must have been through on his journey, how difficult it must have been for him. He and Ersa had been so close their entire lives, siblings and best friends. It simply wasn’t fair, she thought, to have so many awful things happen to someone who was so gentle. He had always been such a sweet boy, so kindhearted. He deserved so much happiness, and yet somehow the world had only brought him pain. She turned quickly, busying herself with the dirty dishes, hoping that he hadn’t noticed her tears falling.

It took Erend no time at all to finish his breakfast, and he brought his empty plate to the sink to wash it. Aalie gently slapped his hand, taking the plate from him. He smiled softly at her and shook his head, amused at her predictability. 

“Well, I guess I’ll get dressed and go get started.” he said as he turned towards the bedroom he’d occupied. “Are the axes still over by the forge?”

“They are.” Aalie replied. “Do you want anyone to go help you?”

Erend stopped in the doorway of the bedroom and turned to look at her. “I’m not sure yet. So for now, I’ll just take care of things myself. If I decide that I want help, I’ll ask for it.”

“Whatever you need sweetheart. We’re here for you, in any way you need.”

Erend walked back over to where his aunt was standing and wrapped her in a warm hug. “I know that.”

Aalie pulled his head down towards her, and kissed his forehead. “Go on, now. I’ll have supper ready for you when you get back.”

Erend smiled at her, this smile finally finding its way to his eyes. “I know that too.”

Aalie scoffed and softly smacked his bare chest, pushing him towards his room. “You’re not so big that I can’t still give you a scolding, you know.”

Erend chuckled as he walked across the cottage. He quickly threw on an old tunic and his boots, and headed out the door, bidding his aunt goodbye.

The axes were exactly where he expected them to be, and he grabbed the largest one he could find. He checked the blade, and smiled to see that it had recently been sharpened. He slung the large axe over his shoulder, and headed towards the distant treeline.

Erend spent the rest of the day chopping down trees, felling one after another for what would become the frame of his sister’s pyre. Sweat poured down his brow, but somehow the work felt cathartic. He no longer felt like he had a sword dangling over his head, the worry and stress of seeing Ersa safely to Forgeview now passed. For the moment, it was only him, an axe and trees. It allowed him to stop thinking, to focus on nothing but the rhythmic motion of chopping. For the first time in a long time, he felt a tiny bit of peace.

It was dark by the time he dragged the last of the fallen trees to the spot where he would build the pyre. He had decided, at some point that day, that he wanted to be the one to build it, to do this one final service for Ersa. He knew that his clan would understand, they always did when it came to him and Ersa. They always tried so hard to make up for the hand that life had dealt him, and he loved them for it. The thoughts of his clan turned his mind to the meal that waited for him, and he wiped his hands on his pants before hoisting the axe onto his shoulder and turning towards the village.

When he walked into Aalie’s cottage, Erend wasn’t surprised to see a number of familiar faces crowded into the kitchen. 

“There he is!” Renda exclaimed when she noticed him walking in. “Come dear, come eat. You must be starved.” she added as she ushered him towards the table laden with food. 

“Did you get everything that you needed?” Tosh asked as he watched Erend filling a plate.

“I think so. I’ll bring the axe tomorrow, just in case I need a few more trees, but I think that I have enough. I guess I won’t know until I start building.”

“So you’ve decided, then? You want to tackle this on your own?” Aalie asked gently.

“Yah, I do. It’s not that I don’t appreciate everyone’s help, really. It’s just that this is one last thing that I can do for her. After all that she’s done for me, it feels like the right thing to do.” Erend replied.

“We understand.” Tosh said, patting Erend’s shoulder. “Now let’s stop pestering the poor boy and let him eat.”

Erend rose early the next morning and grabbed some food left over from the night before as he slipped quietly out the door. He ate as he walked towards the pile of wood he’d made the day before, preparing himself for the task at hand. Building a pyre wasn’t particularly difficult, but he knew that it was still going to be a hard day nonetheless. 

As he walked back into Forgeview that evening, he noticed a number of tents set up on the edge of the village. He steered himself towards them, and smiled when he saw one of the faces that he’d been hoping to see.

“Olrick, I’m glad that you were able to make it.” Erend said, hugging his friend tightly.

“Don’t be an idiot, Erend. A thousand thunderjaws couldn’t have kept me away, you know that.”

“I know, but all the same. I’m glad you’re here.”

When Erend pulled away and saw the look of deep sadness in Olrick’s eyes, he began to fidget. It wasn’t that he was uncomfortable with displays of emotion, far from it, but he just didn’t have it in him to start crying again. “Well, what do you say we go grab something to eat, maybe a drink at the tavern?” he asked quickly, changing the subject.

Olrick gave Erend a firm slap on the back. “You bet. Lead the way.”

The tavern, they soon discovered, was already full of freebooters and clan members, all of whom were eating, drinking, and chatting. Those who hadn’t already had the chance to greet Erend got up to hug him, filling the room with a mix of love and sadness. 

“Erend, what happened?” his cousin Jeshri asked when it was his turn with Erend. He’d always been one of the more direct members of the clan – and that was saying something.

Erend wiped his hand down his face, knowing that the question would be asked eventually. The dread had knotted itself in his stomach, the one last thing that he had to tackle before everything was known. He was actually surprised that no one had asked yet, but then again he’d made himself pretty scarce since his arrival in Forgeview. 

He let out a loud sigh and looked his cousin in the eye. “She was murdered.”

Gasps could be heard all around the room as every conversation instantly stopped.

“Murdered?” he heard his uncle Marawa ask. “What….”

“It was Dervahl. He ambushed her, kidnapped and tortured her. I found her just in time, she…” Erend stopped, holding back tears as he stared up at the ceiling and let out another loud sigh. “She died in my arms.”

“Dervahl? That rat bastard!” Erend heard his uncle yell.

“We got him, though. We stopped him, and he won’t be able to hurt anyone else.” Erend replied as he looked back down at the faces around him. As he looked around the room, at the silent tears and looks of sadness and pity that surrounded him, he was suddenly filled with an overwhelming sense of loss and anger. 

“Don’t look at me like that!” he shouted as he turned and stomped out of the tavern.

The crowd gathered in the tavern sat in silent shock at both the circumstances of Ersa’s death and Erend’s outburst.

“I’ll go.” Renda said softly as she stood and began to follow him.

Renda found Erend sitting in the grass beside the forge, his back against the thick stone wall of the building. She sat wordlessly beside him, leaned back against the stone and looked up at the stars. They stayed that way for several long minutes, Renda waiting for Erend to be ready to talk.

“I’m sorry.” Erend started, rubbing his hand over his mohawk. 

“Why? You have every right to feel the way you do.” Renda said softly.

Erend scoffed. “I don’t even know how I feel.”

Renda turned to look at him. “I know. I can’t even begin to imagine what this must be like for you.”

“That still doesn’t give me the right to take it out on all of you.” Erend said, shaking his head.

“No, I suppose not. But you have to put it somewhere, Erend. I’d rather that you share some of your burden with me, than to watch you struggle to carry it on your own.”

Erend nodded and began to shred a blade of grass that he’d plucked. The sound of crickets filled the space between them, each lost in their thoughts.

“You were there with her, at the end?” Renda asked finally, her voice barely a whisper.

“Yah.”

“I’m glad. Well, not glad, but…” Renda said, stumbling over her words.

“No, I know what you mean. If it had to happen, at least she wasn’t alone.”

Renda nodded, and placed a gentle hand on Erend’s forearm. 

“She was in so much pain Renda. He tried to break her, and he had a long time to do it. Every time I close my eyes, I see her there in my arms, covered in blood. I hear her last words over and over again…”

“Oh Erend, I’m so sorry.” Renda said as she wrapped her arms around him, kissing the side of his head.

“Do you remember what you told me when she’d been taken to Sunfall? When we thought that she was gone?”

“Yes. I told you that she will always be with you, no matter what.”

“What if you were wrong? What if the only thing that I have left of her is the memory of her body in my arms?”

“I’m not wrong, Erend. I know it’s hard to believe now, but it’s the truth. When you uncle Wryn died, I thought that I would never feel happiness again. I felt crushed by my sadness, and I couldn’t see how it would ever lift. But it did. Slowly, little by little, it did. It will take time, likely a very long time, but it will lift for you too. And she’ll be there waiting for you when it does.”

____________

The weight of the coffin felt wrong in his hands. Carrying Ersa towards the pyre that he’d built, everything about it just felt wrong. His cousins, each carrying their own corner of the box that held Ersa, were quiet – but he wanted to scream. How could they be so quiet, when the entire world was upside down?

Sliding the casket into place, Erend’s three cousins stepped back and took their place among the crowd that had gathered around the pyre. But Erend couldn’t let go of Ersa’s coffin. He just stood and stared at his hand, still grasped firmly around the handle.

“Erend?” Aalie asked softly. “Erend, sweetheart, you have to let go.” She went to stand beside him and put her hand on his. “Let go. Erend, please, let go.” 

“NO!” he screamed, his eyes wild. “No! It’s not fair!” he screamed, cursing the world and everything in it. “Why her? Why did it have to be her?” he cried.

Olrick gently touched Aalie’s shoulder and took her place beside Erend. “Erend…” he started. He only just managed to dodge the swing that Erend took in his direction as he lashed out. Olrick threw his arms around his old friend, locking his arms against his body, and slowly walked him backwards.

“No!” Erend screamed again, drowning out the sounds of the sobs that surrounded him. 

“Erend. She’s gone.” Olrick said softly, gently. “It’s time for her to go.”

Erend let out a loud sob. “It’s not right. It’s not right.” he wailed.

“I know it’s not. It’s not right and it’s not fair. She should be here. But she’s not. Erend, it’s time for her to go.”

“I don’t want her to…” Erend said weakly, his fight leaving him. 

Olrick softened his arms, turning his hold into an embrace. “I know.” he whispered.

“Please…” Erend begged. “I’m not ready.”

Erend watched helplessly as the coal from the forge was placed into the bed of dry grass and twigs beneath his sister, the flames inching their way towards her. 

As he watched Ersa burn, Erend felt hollow, completely empty, and had never felt so alone in his entire life. The sobs and sniffles of the people around him were like a fog, a mist that he couldn’t quite make sense of. Someone tried to comfort him, but their gentle touch only made him jump and shrug them off. Everyone else eventually faded into the background, vanishing from his mind. For Erend, there was only him and Ersa, and he was watching her disappear into oblivion. 

When only ashes remained, Olrick carefully walked over to where Erend was standing. He was filled with concern when he saw Erend’s dead, empty eyes, his friend nothing but a husk. Olrick placed a hand on Erend’s back and began to lead him back towards the village. Erend plodded along silently beside him, letting himself be led.

Once inside the tavern, Olrick gave Erend a gently shove onto the first available bench. He went over to the brew barrels and filled the largest mug he could find, and carried it over to Erend. He placed it in Erend’s hand, then turned back to get himself one. Several people tried talking to Erend, but it was as if they were invisible – he didn’t so much as acknowledge anyone. 

Olrick sat down on the bench beside Erend, his own mug now full. “Drink.” he ordered.

Erend obeyed, lifting the mug to his lips. His eyes kept staring straight ahead, not a single word was spoken. He was still completely shut down, but at least it was a start.

Olrick spent the rest of the afternoon shuttling brews to Erend, ensuring that his friend’s mug was never empty. Erend got more and more drunk as the afternoon wore on, but never seemed to rouse from his stupor.

Renda sat across the tavern from Erend, watching his freebooter friend feed him drink after drink. Her eyes brimmed with tears, and she wanted nothing more than to wipe that look of lifeless pain from his eyes.

“What are we going to do with him?” Aalie asked as she sat down beside Renda.

Renda sniffed and quickly rubbed her eyes. “I don’t know, Aalie.”

“I wonder when the world will see fit to give him a break. He deserves so much more than this.”

“I’ve asked myself that same question more times than I can count.” 

“Do you think he’ll be OK?” 

“I sure hope so, Aalie. By the forge, I hope so.”

__________________

Renda walked towards the ashgrounds, knowing that she’d find him there. Ersa’s ashes had been gathered and buried beside her mother’s earlier that day, the final part of Ersa’s burial ceremony now complete. Erend had returned with them to the tavern afterwards, but had disappeared shortly thereafter. He still hadn’t been saying much, moving through the day like a machine. 

She said a short prayer and walked through the gate of the ashground, towards the prone body of her cherished nephew. She wasn’t sure if he was sleeping or just laying next to Ersa, and her heart broke again at the thought of the depth of his pain.

“Erend?” she asked quietly as she grew closer to him.

“Mmmm.” he grunted. Well, it looked like he was beginning to speak again.

“I brought you some food and water. And a blanket.” she said as she set her small bag on the ground next to him.

“Not hungry.” he mumbled, turning his face away from her.

“OK.” Renda said as she sat down in a nearby patch of soft grass.

Erend laid beside his sister’s grave, just staring into nothingness, for several more hours. Renda sat just as quietly, waiting.

“You don’t have to wait here with me, you know.” Erend said finally, his voice scratchy from disuse.

“Oh, I’m not. I’m just making sure that you don’t run away with my bag. That’s my favourite blanket in there.”

A pained chuckle ripped itself from Erend’s throat. 

Renda smiled. “There we go.”

Erend slowly sat up, his muscles cramped from laying on the cold ground for endless hours. He looked at his aunt, the first spark of life finding its way to his eyes since he’d picked up Ersa’s coffin.

Renda eyed him warily, afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing. He reached into the bag she’d brought, and pulled out the canteen of water.

“You’re looking at me like I’m a jumpy strider.” he said after taking a long swig of cool water.

“Sorry.” she said, averting her eyes.

“I can’t say that I blame you. I haven’t exactly been…. Well, I haven’t been much of anything the last couple of days.” 

“You’ve done what you needed to do to get through this.”

Erend nodded, pursing his lips as he replaced the cap on the canteen. “I hope that I didn’t scare you too much.”

“Erend, if you scared us, it’s only because we love you and wish that we could do more to help you.”

Erend nodded. He knew that they would carry his pain for him, if they could. But he was alone in his agony, powerless to change any of it.

“Are you going to go back to Aalie’s soon?” Renda asked.

“No. I don’t think I can.” Erend replied somberly.

Renda looked at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

“I can’t make myself leave. Every time I try, I feel like I’m abandoning her. She always made sure that I was with her, dragged me along with her everywhere she went, made sure I was safe. How can I just turn my back on her and leave her here?”

“Oh Erend. I understand why you feel that way. But try not to think of it as leaving her behind. Think of it as entrusting her to us, her clan who loves her so much. We are all here to watch over her, to keep her safe for you.”

“I suppose you’re right. Just…. let me have a few more hours. I’ll be along before nightfall.”

“Alright.” Renda said, a kind smile on her lips. “But you’d better bring my blanket with you. I wasn’t kidding when I said that it was my favourite.”

Erend rolled his eyes, his spirits lifting ever so slightly. He watched her go, waving to him as she closed the gate to the ashgrounds. He reached into the bag she’d left and pulled out the blanket, wrapping it around himself like a loving embrace.

___________

Erend was thankful that Olrick had stayed behind in Forgeview, waiting for him to be ready to leave. He had known, without being told, that Erend would have a difficult time saying goodbye to his clan and the village of his childhood. It would be the first time that he would leave without Ersa by his side, his first steps into a life without her, and so Olrick had stuck around. 

“I know that I’ve said it already, but thank you.” Erend said as they climbed the hill, the members of his clan shrinking into the distance. 

“Heh, what are friends for?” Olrick replied. “Besides, your cousin Osha is pretty cute. I didn’t mind waiting around.”

Erend scoffed and playfully pushed Olrick’s shoulder, causing him to stumble. “Cousins are off limits, Olrick. We’ve been over that before.”

“Well, yah, MY cousins, sure. I remember how you used to look at Azita. But we never said anything about your cousins.”

“Consider this an official extension to that rule.”

Olrick smiled. “Fine. Joykill.”

Erend cocked an eyebrow as he regarded his friend out of the side of his eye. “Joykill? I don’t remember you saying that the night Azita tried to kiss me.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me. The sight of my baby cousin and my best friend – it still gives me nightmares.”

“Baby cousin? Come on, she’s only a year younger than us!”

“Yah, like I said – baby cousin!” Olrick exclaimed playfully. “You’re so disgusting.”

Erend laughed for real at that. Olrick smiled to himself. Mission accomplished, he thought to himself. He’d waited days to hear the sound of Erend’s laugh. They traded barbs back and forth, the way that only longtime friends can. As they walked, Erend slowly peeled away the layers of pain, shedding them into the grass behind him.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story because I am deeply mired in writer's block. I am so completely stuck on the second half of the third chapter of Journeys toward dawn Part 2, and I just can't seem to find a way forward. I know what is going to happen, and where the story is going - all the subsequent chapters are written, it's just this half chapter that has me tangled in knots. For some reason, Erend has stopped talking to me, and I don't know why. But I keep trying!
> 
> In my reading about how to overcome writer's block, I read a suggestion by Neil Gaiman - to write something else. So here we are. Erend has agreed to tell me what happened to him when he brought Ersa back to The Claim. I hope that this story will help to shed some light on why he reacts the way he does to the events of Journeys toward dawn - the pain he's been through, and just how difficult it was for him to work through it. 
> 
> Something else that I've discovered - Comments are my drug of choice. I welcome any thoughts that you have about this story, and any helpful words that you might have about Part 2 of Journeys toward dawn. Thanks.


End file.
